How I do I write this. I will say that I feel like I am not up to what God has called me to do. I have become complacent. It's the one word we don't like to hear. I don't like this state yet I don't really want to leave it either. It's a weird state. It really happened when I quit my job as a cook/server and decided to work full time taking care of my mom. It was only to be temporary until I got another job. The problem was, I never really looked for work. Maybe a few times here or there but no real effort. I would stay up late and get up late.
This also bleed over into my christian life I noticed. My language was horrendous. Course joking run rampant. Jokes were not clean at all. I had to go as far getting a friend of mine to punch me if I said anything wrong and unclean, and the same to him. It was nice accountability though.
There are other frustration I am dealing with but those are private. Though I have discovered journaling. It is nice to get thought and feelings on paper. Problem is I get distracted easily. There is a lot I have to work. And the problem is, I've taken control instead of letting God take control. That's what it boils down to. D:
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Waiting...waiting...wait for it.
Wow, it has been a long time since I wrote on this blog, not since I was doing my school of ministry project. As I look back at my first post, my reason for writing a blog was, one, To have an outlet for writing (I realized that I am not that good at writing fiction) Two, to talk about my walk with Christ and how he motivates me. And three, a tool for writing sermons. A lot has happen since then, and I feel I have learned a lot since then.
When I wrote my last entry, I just got out on my own, rooming with a bunch of guys and enjoying the freedom. A lot of different thing happened between then and now, some more complicated then others. Some parts were hard, annoying and stressful, but I wouldn't change a thing. I also got to meet a lot of new people...one of them being my fiance. I also learned a lot about myself, the stuff you don't usually like to hear. I learned that I am a complainer. I complained about work, finances and living situation.
Not only that, it was also a dark time for me. One of those times where I was not necessarily walking with Christ. I was lukewarm, I was not hot, nor was I cold. I just went with whatever. I was complacent. I may have read my bible and attended church, but my heart wasn't there. It wasn't until I was given a chance to move out and move in with my mom (only for a year til I get married) that Christ was drawing me near.
Around August, God put a desire in my heart to re-start the young adults group. I know when I was in my dark time, I was hoping that someone else would start the group. I felt like I wasn't good enough to start the group (The previous leaders were awesome (love you Drew and Tanya!)) But I had some encouragement from one of the pastors at my church and a few friends. The pastor also gave me a catalog to choose a study for the young adults group. I still think I am not good enough to be a leader of this group, but that's who I am. I am loving the new group and all the new people. I feel by being in this position, there will be a lot of learning and stretching. After our current study is over, I would like to share what I've learned. Hopefully I will stick to this blog...again.
God Bless Everyone!
-Calen
When I wrote my last entry, I just got out on my own, rooming with a bunch of guys and enjoying the freedom. A lot of different thing happened between then and now, some more complicated then others. Some parts were hard, annoying and stressful, but I wouldn't change a thing. I also got to meet a lot of new people...one of them being my fiance. I also learned a lot about myself, the stuff you don't usually like to hear. I learned that I am a complainer. I complained about work, finances and living situation.
Not only that, it was also a dark time for me. One of those times where I was not necessarily walking with Christ. I was lukewarm, I was not hot, nor was I cold. I just went with whatever. I was complacent. I may have read my bible and attended church, but my heart wasn't there. It wasn't until I was given a chance to move out and move in with my mom (only for a year til I get married) that Christ was drawing me near.
Around August, God put a desire in my heart to re-start the young adults group. I know when I was in my dark time, I was hoping that someone else would start the group. I felt like I wasn't good enough to start the group (The previous leaders were awesome (love you Drew and Tanya!)) But I had some encouragement from one of the pastors at my church and a few friends. The pastor also gave me a catalog to choose a study for the young adults group. I still think I am not good enough to be a leader of this group, but that's who I am. I am loving the new group and all the new people. I feel by being in this position, there will be a lot of learning and stretching. After our current study is over, I would like to share what I've learned. Hopefully I will stick to this blog...again.
God Bless Everyone!
-Calen
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