I am sitting here listening to Demon Hunter's newest song, The Last One Alive. Making me reflect on my inner self. Reflecting on who I am in Christ, reflecting on posts on facebook and reflecting on my salvation. In May, I will be a christian for six years. In those six years, a lot has happened. So many ups and downs. It only seems like now I am drawing close to God; and yet there are a few snags holding me back from going further.
I never thought myself to be prideful, but more humble. Or so I thought. It is only recently have I got to ponder on my pride. I am a prideful person. When I was leaving one job to go to another, I went in with a prideful spirit. I thought I would go in and be the person to show off and teach new things to all the kids there. God quickly taught me a lesson. I only stayed at the job for two weeks, and I felt destroyed. I taught no one anythings, and I seemed to mess up on everything. I walked away with my tail between my legs and felt humiliated. No one at the job knew, but close friends did. But even back further, I realized I had pride at church. When I was little, I wanted to become a pastor when I grew up, just like my brother. I was also told that someone prophesied that I would become one. Today, I still do desire to become a pastor. For a while, I was taking classes to become one. I was looking forward to it. , but there was one obstacle that I didn't have the requirement for. As I look back now, my heart was in the wrong place and pride held me back. I was prideful, I wanted the title, I want to be looked up to and I wanted to be someone important. It's only now do I realize how prideful I was and still am.
Another thing I have been thinking about is "Have I been a servant for God?" I just been thinking how I walk by so many different people and I don't say anything. I could use my introvertedness as an excuse but again, that's no excuse. The title does have a meaning to my post. It is some of the lyrics to the song The Last One Alive. I saw "Better I'm the last one alive than a soul be denied." in the comments and it really defined who I was not. Am I willing to be left behind so that others may go first and know Christ? So much time in the past, have I just stood by my cross, and not bore it fully. I hate to say it, but this song really cemented the verse of Mark 9:35 - Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve, and said, "anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all." But I am glad to know it now, then superficially.
Anyways, I feel like I got what I needed to get off my chest. Thank you for listening
