How I do I write this. I will say that I feel like I am not up to what God has called me to do. I have become complacent. It's the one word we don't like to hear. I don't like this state yet I don't really want to leave it either. It's a weird state. It really happened when I quit my job as a cook/server and decided to work full time taking care of my mom. It was only to be temporary until I got another job. The problem was, I never really looked for work. Maybe a few times here or there but no real effort. I would stay up late and get up late.
This also bleed over into my christian life I noticed. My language was horrendous. Course joking run rampant. Jokes were not clean at all. I had to go as far getting a friend of mine to punch me if I said anything wrong and unclean, and the same to him. It was nice accountability though.
There are other frustration I am dealing with but those are private. Though I have discovered journaling. It is nice to get thought and feelings on paper. Problem is I get distracted easily. There is a lot I have to work. And the problem is, I've taken control instead of letting God take control. That's what it boils down to. D:
